The Gentleman Approach


Hurrah for finding another inspiration to write about!

Mind you, this topic is a bit more…touchy-feely, for lack of better wording.

It’s about finding love (cue the “ooh la la”).

I don’t normally talk about my feelings to anyone, not to mention post it on the worldwide web, but today I was taught a very important lesson.  Before we begin to dabble on this sensitive subject, let me give you a background of what has been my state during the past months.  Discouraged by another experience on the unrequited love-coaster, I basically swore off boys.  I thought to myself, “Why like them if they don’t feel the same way?  Not only does it complicate anything, but there’s clearly not enough guys mature enough (that I know).”  To all guys out there, I apologize.  But keep reading.

Surprisingly, I did not like any guy for the following months.  And I loved it.  I was not bound to the awkwardness that infatuation brings upon me.  I was free and ever more confident; not exactly the right kind of mentality, as one should feel confident whether or not he or she is in the state of liking someone.  Nevertheless, you get my point.

And then it happened (as it always does).

And because I enjoy using pseudonyms, let’s name our person, Xavier.

I’ve been in the same environment as Xavier for about four months, but the event happened near the end of last month.  If you’re curious as to what is this “event” I am talking about, it’s just the day of confirmation that I had feelings developing.  So I guess you could call it “Confirmation Day”, or “Confirmed Feelings Day” (I don’t know exactly what day it is, though).  Anyways, before this day of confirmation, I was still on my oath  not to like any guy.  And so far, so good.  I had not fallen head over heels since my last experience.  However, Xavier started being more helpful towards me.  For example, I was looking for something and minutes after I scouted the room for it, he handed it to me. When he was reaching over for something, and I had to hold the object on top of it until he was finished, he put it away for me without saying anything.  Even the simple task of getting an envelope addressed to me, he did it for me anyways.  And he would always say thank you when returning an object to my desk.  I didn’t even hand it to him, he kinda just took it.

So, being the over-analytical person that I am, I started to question all of this.

Finally, I ended up on the most logical and sensible conclusion: he likes me.

Yup.  Because people simply don’t do things for no reason, right?

Maybe, maybe not.

But, I argued, normal guys don’t do that for girls unless they do feel something for her.

I talked about this with my mom, and she remarked, “Now, that’s a gentleman.”

Gentleman.  What a fascinating and, to be quite frank, rarely-used word.

Outside my own home, I know about two to three boys/men who embody the definition of that word, which is (according to Google), “a chivalrous, courteous, or honorable man”.  And I say that because that is who they simply are, with anyone.  Just as a heads-up, holding doors and pulling out chairs are not the only characteristics of gentlemen.  It’s how they talk to people, how they love their families, and how they show that love to people they don’t even know.

I read an article the other day referring to these special men.  The writer addressed the debatable issue of the acts of kindness by men to women, as it is often argued that women are rendered helpless damsels in distress.  However, the writer responded to that, saying that they [men] do it not because they think women are incapable.  Rather, they believe that women are to be desired and to be served because they are special.

And I did feel special.  That’s why I developed feelings for Xavier.  That’s why I thought he liked me.  I did not feel that from the previous guys I was infatuated with.

Whether or not he liked me, I was taught an important lesson today: never lose hope in gentlemen.  They still exist.  I have some in my home, but I was reminded today that there are plenty of them out there.  Never lose sight.

To all you guys out there, take my word for it: the gentleman approach doesn’t go unnoticed.  If anything, it’s unnoticed now because it’s so uncommon.  But you can change it.  Start in your own home then expand to everywhere you go.  And don’t get tired.

We need you.


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