As you can see, I am successfully progressing through my homework.
It’s only the second week of school and I can slowly feel the tug of the strong pull that is Grade 11 (pun intended). Don’t get me wrong; I’m not complaining. I think it’s more of anxiety of the fact that I’m not the thirteen year-old high school freshman I used to be. I think it’s being faced with the responsibility of answering the million-dollar question.
Who am I?
Last week near the end of my second physics class of the year, my teacher gave us the aforementioned sheet of paper; questioning what career we are interested in that requires the knowledge of physics. Before the end of the summer, I suddenly became fascinated by computer science. The idea of studying the infinite possibilities of such technology came to me like an epiphany; I’ve never considered pursuing such area of study, but the idea came out of the blue. And so, given this unexpected burst of interest, I was about to put down computer programmer as the answer.
But I was stopped midway.
I was struck with an inevitable question: is this who I really am?
I don’t know.
I know I’m overanalyzing what is seemingly an easy sheet of homework, but I couldn’t help but think.
In English, my class was given an excerpt from an article to analyze and understand. Derrick Jensen, the author of the piece, posed a somewhat disturbing proposition; that we, as the humans of modern society, are educated and raised to be ambitious “automata”; programmed for the mere consumption of everything; that we’ve lost sight of “who we are”, of our purpose in life. He said that in such an industrialized world, the “most revolutionary thing can do is follow our hearts”.
I guess you can say I’m internally conflicted.
I don’t know what my heart is saying.
Who am I to be?
A good friend told me that you are not limited to one option. You can be a singing doctor, an athlete with a psychology degree, whoever you desire to be. And though I am providing academic examples, I know the definition of self lies not within a university degree.
Though I do not know the exact career path I want to follow, I know that I want to be someone that will impact the world not for selfish gain, but in order to revolutionize the modern philosophy – that we are more than mindless, self-seeking robots – through my works.
Now I just have to look inside and find who is it that I want to be.